What are your biggest fears? Has a new fear ever crept up on you and surprised you? In part 1 of our trip out west I mentioned that I became more adventurous on this trip than I imagined was possible. Do you see our truck pulling our camper up this giant mountain? We have a Dodge Ram 2500 and a 36 foot, 5th wheel camper that the truck is pulling. See how tiny it looks here? Well, I also recognized that I have a real fear of heights when I had a panic attack crossing the Beartooth Highway from Montana into Wyoming – check it out the scariest road of my life here at: Beartooth Highway .
I really don’t think I have ever had a panic attack before so it was a strange and scary experience for me. But as we began to climb up to 11,000 feet pulling about 8,000 lbs of camper behind us, on a road that had no guard rails in most areas, through switchbacks that are basically 180 degree turns, where cliffs were on either side of me, and the transmission in the truck was working so hard I could not hear anything other than the engine blaring…. well, I kind of lost it. And by lost it, I mean I was crying uncontrollably (but didn’t want my kids to see because I didn’t want to scare them), I could not breathe, and I felt like the camper was going to pull our truck off the side of a 10,000 foot high cliff and we were going to DIE. A little or a lot crazy, I know. But at the time, my brain was sure that traveling this road was the biggest mistake of my life and that I was not going to make it.
At the first pull off (that we could fit the campers into), we stopped. Our friends (the Sands) ahead of us, were not aware of the state I was in until they came to our truck and I refused to get out. Fortunately, they were all very understanding and encouraging. They took our kids out to the scenic overlook (which I never did make it to) and Mike helped me to calm down. To be honest, I actually made a vodka and soda. (Perks of pulling a camper stocked with supplies behind you, when you have a panic attack and will do anything to get a grip!) I really wanted drugs but did not have any, nor have I ever taken any drugs for this new, unknown condition of mine but I would have at that very moment- so vodka was my new BFF. Just being real here people.
Mike helped me to walk over to the scenic overlook but unfortunately I was still too afraid to walk out onto the CLIFF that my children were on. So I hung out with my friends the mini-bears, also known as the adorable chipmunks, and waited for all my insane friends and family who were near death on the cliff of the Beartooth Highway to get some sense and come back to the truck/camper with me. I will say that later on when I had the guts to look at the photos from the scenic overlook, it was breathtaking. Just better when I am back in NC and not 10,000 feet above sea level about to fall of the side of the tallest mountains I have ever seen and die. Pictures do not do justice here. The enormous mountains, cliffs, peaks, and rocks cannot be truly understood until you actually stand in this place that God created. The feeling of how massive this part of our country is can only be felt in person, not in pictures or stories. So if you CAN ever cross the Beartooth Highway, you should! I am so glad I got to experience this, even though I lost it, it was worth it and I am stronger for it.
Eventually we made it back into the truck and I sat in the back seat so my view wouldn’t be as prominent of my impending fall of the side of the top of the world. My children were also very supportive during this time. They were encouraging ME and giving ME comfort and understanding. They never became afraid and they showed me how I was actually going to be okay. My kids, Garrett and Chloe, they rock! I was super proud of how they never became afraid even though they saw me overcome with fear. Sometimes as parents, we are afraid to show our kids our weaknesses.We think that when we are weak, we are failing. But I realized that they were stronger than I thought and I became stronger because of them.
We continued on our drive and eventually made it to the top of the Beartooth Highway and it is actually called the Top of the World. When you stand on top of these rocks pictured here, and put your arms in the air, you can actually touch 12,000 feet above sea level. Pretty darn cool! Thank you vodka, for the courage to get out of the car. Thank you Mike, kids, and friends for supporting me and not telling me how crazy I am. I can’t even imagine how stressful this drive was for my husband. He was truly an amazing driver on this trip – especially on the Beartooth Highway. Actually, it was very wide and flat at the top and the cliffs were long gone and I was beginning to enjoy God’s glory.
1st Peter 5:6-7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” During this crossing of the Beartooth Highway, I truly experienced massive anxiety of irrational fear. I cried, I prayed, I could not breath. But when I humbled myself to finally admit my fear, take in God’s mighty glory that was surrounding me through his creation, and let my husband, children, and friends be the hands and feet of God supporting me, I was literally lifted up. He gave me the strength to climb out onto those rocks and enjoy His creation at nearly 12,000 feet above sea level. I witnessed one of the most majestic views I could have ever imagined. I pray that God will continue to give me humbling experiences in this world so that I can grow closer to Him.
Faithfully Real 
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